By Roz Morris, Managing Director TV News London Ltd
“Ho, ho ho. A good day today. Elves working well and all toys are OK” sang Santa happily to himself as he walked around the toy workshop beaming at the busy elves making environmentally sustainable wooden toys for good children.
“Not one of your better rhymes” said Chief Elf, sidling up to Santa in his usual quiet manner which always startled Santa and caught him on the hop.
“One day” thought Santa, “One day I will remember to make it a rule that he has to wear clogs in the workshop, so he makes a noise when he comes near to me. I’ll say it’s an elfin safety precaution. That should do it.”
He decided to continue with his jolliness. “Let’s have a joke“ he cried, ignoring the elves all pausing and wincing slightly as they waited for one of his terrible Santa jokes.
“Don’t worry. This one’s not about me” he reassured them and continued: “I say, I say, I say. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?”
“I really don’t know” said Chief Elf with a resigned sigh, and adding sarcastically “And I speak on behalf of all of us when I say we really, really, really want to know.”
“Hornaments” said Santa with a beaming smile and added some more ‘Ho ho ho’s’. Chief Elf smiled weakly and the elves all tittered dutifully and got back to work.
“Well I hate to spoil your good mood” said Chief Elf “but there is some bad news you need to know about.” He thrust a phone in front of Santa. Together they stared at the screen where a video had gone viral with millions of views. #SantaScandal was trending worldwide.
There was some grainy footage claiming to show Santa’s workshop was employing child labour.
The video alleged that the elves were actually children forced to work in poor conditions without pay or health insurance.
“Well none of this is true, including the bit about health insurance” said Santa in a shocked voice. “ We’ve always prided ourselves on our Elf Health Service and we have Elfin Safety rules posted on the walls around the workshop. And what do they mean children are working here? Don’t they believe that elves exist?”
“This is actually very serious” explained Chief Elf. “It is fake news, but it has gone into the real news so it’s very damaging. The major news outlets are now running stories with headlines like ‘Dark Secrets of the North Pole’ and ‘Is Santa Claus a Fraud?’
“Plus, there’s another viral TikTok suggesting that you, Santa, are actually now a corporate mascot managed by Coca-Cola, and that all the elves are pictures made by AI.”
“AI what?” asked Santa. “Artificial Intelligence” explained Chief Elf. “It’s another bit of fake news making out that the elves aren’t real.”
“What have people got against elves?” cried Santa. “And what are we going to do to stop all this fake news?”
Suddenly one of the elves rushed into the workshop with more bad tidings. “Our database just crashed” he announced in a panicky voice. “We’re getting flooded with messages from children asking if you’re real and will you really bring them their presents.”
“Right” said Chief Elf in a serious tone. “It’s time to fight back”
“But how do we fight fake news?” Santa asked, genuinely bewildered.
“The same way we’ve always operated,” Chief Elf said. “With transparency, truth, and a little bit of magic. We need to get ahead of this,” he declared. “Open up the workshop for virtual tours. Live-stream our operations. Show the world what really happens here.”
Alfie, the youngest elf on the team, raised his hand tentatively. “Sir, with respect, that might not be enough. The algorithms reward outrage, not truth. A boring video of elves happily making toys won’t get as many views as conspiracy theories.”
Santa stroked his beard thoughtfully. “Then we won’t make it boring will we Chief Elf? And why are you wearing sunglasses?”
“These aren’t ordinary glasses” Chief Elf explained. “These are special AI sunglasses which enable me to live stream our work here, to interview the elves, and to put across messages about our positive work.
“ We will release behind-the-scenes footage of the reindeer training for their annual flight, complete with slow-motion shots and dramatic music. Plus, we will set up our own YouTube channel where elves will demonstrate toy-making techniques and discuss workplace safety and satisfaction. I myself will testify on video about our health and dental plans.
“At the same time, you will be part of our multi-media campaign with an “Ask Me Anything” session on Instagram and a live press conference from here at the North Pole workshop.
“To prepare for that you’ll need some crisis interview training from TV News London, the media training experts, and you can do that later today. We’ll have you going viral with the good kind of viral. #BelieveInKindSanta has already started trending and we’ll make sure it will just get bigger and bigger.
“Well that’s a relief” said Santa. “Back to my jokes then. What does Santa use to bake cakes?”
“Magic?” asked Chief Elf. “No, you’re wrong again” cried Santa triumphantly. “Its elf-raising flour. And I’ll definitely use that joke in my next media interview. Ho ho ho.”
