By Roz Morris, Managing Director, TV News London Ltd
“Zooming Heck” said Santa. “If I hear any more of these cracker jokes about my reindeer having ‘herd immunity’ and how I’m a key worker who doesn’t have a key, I’ll eat my red fur-trimmed hat.”
“Well I rather like the one about ‘Why is production down at Santa’s workshop? Answer : Because many of his workers have had to elf isolate’ said Chief Elf.
“I’ll even go so far as to say Ho Ho Ho – which as you know I never do usually because I don’t want to encourage you.”
“But I really don’t understand why people are laughing about Elfin Safety,” he continued. “After all, Elfin Safety is real isn’t it? We have the notices up in the toy factory to keep the elves on track with their wooden toy production.”
“Yes” said Santa “Elfin Safety is very important as you keep telling me every year. And especially this year when the elves are all wearing their special little green face masks and green gloves because of you know what”
“And this year your Zoom meetings and TV interviews on Zoom are very important too” Chief Elf added, swiftly changing the subject to a technical area he knew Santa wasn’t comfortable with. “Don’t forget you’ve got a very important TV interview on Zoom tomorrow with …”
“Ah yes”, interrupted Santa “That reminds me. I have to zoom off now. Ho ho ho. Busy busy busy. It’s all go go go. Mrs Claus wants me to be fitted for a new suit. This one has got a bit too tight. I can’t understand why.”
“Well” said Chief Elf tactfully, “Could it have anything to do with all those mince pies and drinkies left out for you on Christmas Eve? Anyway we have to talk about Zoom.”
“I’ve always zoomed about” said Santa proudly.
“We’re not talking about zooming about. We’re talking about your special world exclusive Christmas interview with……”
“The Pope?” interrupted Santa excitedly.” Meghan Markle? Ronald McDonald? Jeff Bezos? Prince Harry? Oprah Winfrey? Bill Gates? The Queen? Perhaps it’s Ursula Von Der Leyen? ”
“Who?” said Chief Elf. “No no no” he added exasperatedly “Your interview is with …..”
“Tom Cruise?” pleaded Santa “I’ll show him a thing or too about impossible missions!”
“NO NO NO” cried Chief Elf jumping up and down and startling all the masked elves into looking up from their vital toy production work.
“You really have to listen to me about this. Remember how you had all those problems with the Selfie Stick and the disastrous photos on Twitter. Then your initial unsuccessful encounters with Skype, and your terrible TV interviews with the awful eyeline, the button popping on your jacket, and the lack of any clear messages? And I haven’t even mentioned the problems you had operating drones.”
“Yes but, to be fair” said Santa,” The ‘Reindeer Replacement Drone Delivery Strategy 2019 – Use of Unmanned Aerial Vehicles’ was your idea. And it didn’t work. The drones couldn’t carry enough presents and they kept getting the postcodes wrong.”
“OK, OK, OK”, said Chief Elf.” I admit the drone plans were not the step into the 21st century I had hoped for. “However,” he added “this year, because of you know what, you have to learn about online interviews on Zoom, Teams, Google Hangout, and many more online meeting platforms.
“You have to learn to be more technical because, when you’re doing interviews from your home or office, you’re having to be the producer and director. You’re responsible for the set, the framing, the sound and the lighting. And that’s on top of preparing your interview content and wearing your new suit.”
“Luckily for you” he continued “I have booked you a special individual online interview training course with online media training experts TV News London Ltd. You’re talking to them in one hour, on Zoom of course. And then you’ll be well prepared for your important world exclusive interview with……”
“Who?” asked Santa.
“Marcus Rashford” said Chief Elf.
“Well he’s a very good person but why him?” said Santa.
“To be frank,” admitted Chief Elf “we have to nip all those jokes in the bud about him taking over Christmas. So we’re piggy backing on his publicity. The cracker jokes are so upsetting. I nearly fell over with shock last week when I read this one. “Question: Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas? Answer: Marcus Rashford.”
“Ho ho ho” said Santa through gritted teeth “So what do I say when he asks me about elf and safety and delivering presents in homes all over the world despite you know what? What do I say about how I do it?”
“Magic” said Chief Elf. “Oh and you could ask him why Santa won’t lose any presents this year?”
“Magic?” said Santa.
“No” said Chief Elf with a rare smile. “We’ve downloaded Sack and Trace!”
Want to improve how you look online? For more info on how to book your individual advice session with Roz email her at email@example.com One hour and two hour slots are available.